放松只有在被允许时才会发生

We are born knowing how to relax; no one needs to teach us. Watch a child and you will see how easily they become absorbed in whatever they do—playing with complete focus, smiling radiantly, and even crying with heartfelt sincerity.

As we grow up, we learn to strive. We work hard at school, at our jobs, and at life itself, only to forget how to relax—because relaxation cannot be achieved through effort.

The *Tao Te Ching* says, “People follow the earth, the earth follows heaven, heaven follows the Way, and the Way follows what is natural.” Relaxation is a natural state of effortless action. The moment we deliberately pursue it, it quietly slips away.

Sleep works the same way. We fall asleep most easily when we are relaxed; the harder we try to make ourselves sleep, the more elusive sleep becomes. That is why the most effective response to insomnia is to allow ourselves to stay awake.

The same is true when posing for a photograph. The more perfect we try to look, the less natural our expression and posture become. This is also why candid photographs are often the most moving.

Or imagine giving a speech or entering a competition. If we want too badly to win or prove ourselves, we are more likely to become constrained and end up with the opposite of what we hoped for.

Only when we are fully relaxed can we focus with ease, like a quiet stream—serene yet powerful. We enjoy the process and perform at our best.

The flow state described by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is a positive state of deep focus in which our attention is fully absorbed in what we are doing and our sense of self temporarily disappears. Excessive effort, however, can keep us from entering flow. Whether we are doing something or relating to another person, too much is as harmful as too little; forcing things can spoil what is beautiful.

At its heart, relaxation is about allowing. As long as there is an attempt to force or control it, true relaxation is impossible.

Zen Buddhism offers an important paradox: the pursuit of enlightenment can itself become an obstacle to enlightenment, because deliberate striving creates attachment—and attachment is precisely what must be released.

We should have aspirations without pursuing them too deliberately. Put simply, we need to focus on the process unfolding now rather than fixating on the outcome. The saying “A carefully tended flower may not bloom, while a casually planted willow grows into shade” captures this subtle balance.

In today's fast-paced society, with its relentless pursuit of achievement and success, everyone seems tightly wound and has lost the ability to relax. Yet if we want to go farther, we must learn to loosen our grip. Like an archer, only by relaxing can we draw the bow fully and send the arrow farther and truer.

The first step toward relaxation is allowing ourselves to relax. Do something we enjoy or simply sit idle; we need no purpose, need not seek perfection, and can accept ourselves and our circumstances as they are.

True wisdom lies in learning not only how to work harder, but also how to let go; not only how to add, but also how to subtract; and not only how to pursue the future, but also how to appreciate the present.